arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
