Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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