I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
