Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
