As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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