you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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