I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize