One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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