The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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