3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
