i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
