Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize