I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
