She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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