So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
