Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
