Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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