The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
do nipples grow back?
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