You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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