Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
