i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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