He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
