I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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