dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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