As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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