Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
