you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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