how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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