i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We are all done wearing pants today
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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