This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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