Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
