This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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