i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
