Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
