The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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