clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
