lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize