oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
