My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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