good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I will be naked everywhere
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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