this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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