Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
