guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
