hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
