i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it glows. i had to have it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
