So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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