I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize