Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So many bounce houses so little time
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
