Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
