My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
