I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
