Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
