i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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