She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
