i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
