So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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