I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
