i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So many bounce houses so little time
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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