I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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