tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
