there's paper in my vomit.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize