someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
