If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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