oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
