I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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