I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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