So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
