I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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