I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
